


Stuck

by hotelcortez



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Chan is a good leader, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Felix can't get out of bed, Felix is tired and sad, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Lee Felix-centric, Panic Attacks, Woojin is a mother, im sorry, implied depression, self-loathing thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-07 13:43:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16855078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hotelcortez/pseuds/hotelcortez
Summary: Felix couldn't get out of bed.





	Stuck

**Author's Note:**

> Hiiiiiii welcome to my new story xx
> 
> Just before I get into this, I want to say that if you ever are feeling hopeless or depressed or that you will not be missed then please please reach out to someone. Because, trust me, you'll be missed more than you ever know. Stay safe and stay strong, you're doing so well.
> 
> Trigger warnings: HEAVY angst, implied depression, pretty heavy self-loathing thoughts, character over-working themselves, panic attacks. If anyone of this may upset then please please don't read, it isn't worth it. I only want people to be happy.
> 
> Hope you enjoy reading xx

Felix couldn’t get out of bed.

He was tired.

Not tired in a lack-of-sleep kind of way, even though that definitely played a part in it, tired in every kind of way. Tired of himself, tired of his weaknesses, tired of his incapability, tired of comparing himself to his bandmates, tired of pretending he belonged in Stray Kids, tired of constantly letting his group down, tired of life. 

It was 11am on a random morning and he hadn’t yet moved from his bed; his limbs felt too heavy and his head felt full and his body was so void of emotion he felt he would slump to the floor the moment his feet touched the ground.

Despite dragging himself away from the studio at 5am that morning after an all-night practice, Felix hadn’t been able to fall into a proper sleep. He merely dozed every now and again, tossing and turning as his brain got louder. He hated the silence of the dorm at night; it gave him no choice but to listen to his thoughts as the darkness suffocated him, reminding him of the loneliness his self-isolation had brought on him.

Felix knew the other members were worried – why wouldn’t they be? Heck, Felix scared himself with his actions sometimes. They could all see the dark circles under his eyes from the irregular, fitful sleep he was getting. They could all see his cheekbones sharpening and body shrinking as his appetite shrunk, his guilt and sadness constantly making him feel sick to the stomach. They could all see the way his hands shook and how his feet could barely hold him up after he forced himself through several hours of brutal practice, telling his members he’d only practiced a little and he was just tired when they told him to take a break. 

That wasn’t exactly a lie; he was tired.

Tired of everything. 

However, this was the first time it had ever gotten so bad that Felix couldn’t even will himself to get out of bed. Usually he at least tried to pretend that everything was okay, even if it was becoming increasingly obvious that he was not. But today he didn’t even have the energy to pretend he had energy. So, he stayed in bed… and he didn’t think he’d be moving anytime soon.

He was alone in his shared room, staring into space. He pretended to be asleep whenever another member walked in, wanting to avoid the confrontation he knew his actions were setting him up for. So, he took the easier route of just playing dead for now and hoping his members became pre-occupied with something later and forgot all about him. The chances were slim, but he didn’t have the willpower to think of something else. 

He’d been staring at the ceiling above his top bunk for about another hour when the door creaked, indicating it was being opened. Felix quickly closed his eyes and settled his breathing, thankful his bed wasn’t immediately in sight when you walked in from the doorway. 

Soft footsteps echoed through the room as whoever it was made their way through. Felix followed the sound of them, hoping the mystery person was just coming to grab something and leave, wincing internally when his wish wasn’t granted and the person came straight towards him. 

They stopped right by his bed and Felix willed himself not to squirm at the feeling of eyes boring into him. Whoever it was stood there studying him for a few moments, not moving at all, and Felix felt his pulse quicken. The silence of the room was suffocating, and Felix wished the person would either say something or leave him alone instead of just staring at him. 

Another few moments passed before they finally spoke up.

“Felix, I know you’re awake,” came Changbin’s voice “I could hear you tossing and turning from outside the door.”

Felix cursed internally, berating himself for being so stupid and obvious. He lay still for a couple of seconds, trying to decide what to do before just opening his eyes and meeting gazes with Changbin, knowing it would be pointless to try anything else. Especially considering the serious, and slightly concerned, look Changbin had adorning his features. 

“Good morning,” Felix said, his emotionless face still staring into Changbin’s now even more serious one.

“It’s not morning anymore, Felix,” Changbin said and Felix just shrugged, turning back to the ceiling and showing no signs of moving out of his sheets. Changbin tilted his head as he studied the young Australian. He liked to think he had become pretty good at reading him, especially since his rapid decline started a few weeks ago. Changbin could tell when Felix was anxious, could tell when he was upset, could tell when he was exhausted and had easily spotted all of this become a regular occurrence over the past few weeks. He had been the one who initially brought it up to the other members before they started having regular conversations about how they were going to fix this. 

But now, Changbin couldn’t read Felix at all.

He had seen Felix’s eyes when the younger had been facing him. They just seemed so… empty.

“Felix, you haven’t eaten yet today,” he decided to start off small, “Why don’t you get up and I’ll make you some breakfast?”

“Not hungry,” Felix mumbled, his voice sounding so emotionless, so not-Felix, that Changbin’s fist curled at the mere sound of it. He wanted to punch something at the sight of his Felix looking so broken, but he knew he’d never solve anything like that. So, he took a deep breath to calm his emotions and continued, knowing there had to be something that would get Felix out of bed.

“Do you want me to bring you coffee?” he offered, proud of the way he was able to keep his voice steady, “You’ll probably want to eat more after that.”

Felix shrugged again and Changbin wanted to scream, even more so when he realised doing so probably wouldn’t even phase this new Felix in front of him. The only thing that really stopped him was that he knew at least three of the members would be listening outside the door by now and they would drag him out if he did anything too drastic. The morning had started out relatively well for the members, as they’d all once again failed to realise how hard Felix had pushed himself again last night. If Chan hadn’t gotten a text from the manager saying that Felix had been spotted leaving the studio at 5am last night, they’d probably still be unaware of it now. 

The mood had dropped drastically after that and they had yet another discussion on the odd, and concerning, behaviours they’d noticed in their friend as of late. This included the food always remaining on his plate, the pretence in his smiles, the tendency to be extra harsh on himself when he made a mistake and of course his irregular sleep patterns. 

When the clock passed 12 and the group were still discussing rather than doing anything, Changbin decided that he had had enough. He stood up forcefully from where he was sat and announced with determination that he was going to talk to Felix. Several people had tried to stop him, but he’d ignored them as he strode to the bedroom. 

And now he was here, having no idea what to say as Felix lay completely numb in front of him. A horrible thought that they were too late flew through Changbin’s mind. They should have stepped in for Felix when he was still upset, when whatever was happening to him was still festering. They should never have let it get to the point where Felix was this emotionless… thing in front of him. This was ten times scarier than anything the group had seen so far and Changbin secretly hoped one of them would come in and help him, because he was at a complete loss at what to do.

Were they too late now to help Felix?

The thought buried itself deeper into Changbin’s hands, creating a small spark of panic that Changbin was determined not to show. It would all be okay. It had to be okay.

“What about a shower then?” he asked, knowing one of his attempts would work at some point, “You were dancing all night, weren’t you? A shower’s probably a good idea.” He couldn’t help it, his voice wobbled half-way through the sentence and, although he carried on talking normally, he knew Felix had heard it. Said boy turned to look at Changbin again, a small flame of something Changbin couldn’t read sparking at the very back of his eyes, barely there but prominent enough to be noticed if you were looking for something. Changbin didn’t know whether it scared or relieved him, either way he hoped it would be enough to get Felix out of bed. He had to take what he could get. 

Felix spent another minute staring straight at but also not at Changbin. His mind was obviously elsewhere, stuck in some dark place that needed to argue with him about whether it was okay to get out of bed to shower. Changbin waited as patiently as he could manage, hardly daring to breathe as he silently prayed for Felix to want to get up, to want to take care of himself in some way even if it was something as small as a shower. All the breath left him in a rush when Felix hesitantly nodded and started to manoeuvre himself to get up.

Changbin quickly reached over the railing of the top bunk to help him, trying to ignore how bony Felix’s shoulders were under his touch. He held Felix’s hand as the younger climbed slowly down the ladder, his legs shaking so badly they almost gave out on him when he landed softly on the floor. A devastated look flashed on his face at his inability to complete such a simple action without Changbin’s hands darting out to help him, but he quickly covered it up with indifference. Changbin noticed but didn’t say anything. 

Small sounds of shuffling filtered in from the other side of the bedroom door and Changbin could only guess that it was those that had been eavesdropping making their escapes. Subtlety had clearly never been their thing, evident in the way Felix’s eyes snapped to the doorway and his face twitched in a mixture of upset and confusion, his brain slowly putting the pieces together.

Hoping to distract him, Changbin swiftly threaded an arm around Felix’s waist and offered him a small grin that wasn’t reciprocated. But Felix still leaned on Changbin as they slowly made their way towards the door, his own body unable to fully support him for the short journey. 

Changbin used his free hand to open the door when they reached it and carefully steered Felix through, mindful of the way the Australian’s hands were tightening their grip on his shoulders and the way his body became heavier as he gradually began to rely on Changbin more for support. 

Felix’s sudden inability to take a simple walk through the door scared Changbin, but it scared Felix even more. Panic bubbled in his chest and up into his throat as he cursed himself for being so helpless, desperately hoping he would be able to fix himself before the other members caught on too much and kicked him off the team for being so weak.

His breathing became more laboured and his entire body started to vibrate in Changbin’s arms as they continued their journey through the dorm. All other sounds were drowned out as his thoughts started to take over at alarming rate, speeding through his mind as they screamed about how helpless he was, getting louder, louder, louder. He was so weak, so useless, so incapable and he couldn’t believe he let the members put up with him. How could he put them through that? How could he make them take care of him like that? He was nothing and they were everything and yet he still somehow managed to take the attention away from them.

He was worthless.

It felt like his entire body had been plunged under water as he slipped out of Changbin’s hands and hit the floor, the rapper scrambling to catch him. He felt himself clawing out with his hands, tears streaming down his face as he realised he couldn’t’ freaking breathe! Changbin desperately tried to cling to him as his entire body jolted in time with his erratic heartbeat, shouting something Felix couldn’t hear as his brain continued to scream at him to stop being so weak and take in some goddamn oxygen!

A force of pain soared through him as he threw his head back and smacked it into the floor underneath him, breaths beginning to sound like muffled screams as they forced their way out of him. Changbin only looked even more panicked and lunged to place a hand under Felix’s head, not wanting him to injure himself. He felt the floor vibrate under his knees as the other members came running, but nothing vibrated more than Felix, whose entire body was spasming with sobs so forceful Changbin thought they’d break him. 

Woojin was the first to come running in, but was stopped dead in his tracks at the sight his eyes took in. Felix was sprawled out on the floor, unresponsive and crying as harsh breaths racked their way through him, his eyes frantically darting around the room. Changbin was knelt by him, one hand under his head and the other placed on Felix’s stomach, his face distorted into absolute terror. 

“Help him!” he screeched when Woojin remained frozen in his spot, legs still positioned into a sprint from where he’d suddenly stopped. He took off again at Changbin’s cry and dropped to the floor next to Felix, shins painfully smacking against the wood. 

The other members all started appearing from random directions, gasping when they saw what was happening. Woojin blocked it out and reached forward to cup Felix’s face in both of his hands, forcing the Australian to face him.

“Felix,” he said firmly, “Keep looking at me, okay? Keep your eyes on me. You see me, yeah? I’m right here.” Felix’s breath still stuttered out of him painfully, but his eyes now remained firmly on Woojin instead of darting around like they had been a few seconds ago. Progress. 

“That’s good, Felix,” Woojin praised, voice becoming more soothing as he gently brushed his thumbs repetitively over Felix’s cheeks, hoping the touch would ground him. “You’re doing so well already. Now we’re going to try something, okay? I want you to try and make your breaths deeper, can you try that for me? Listen to how I’m doing it.” Woojin took a deep, firm breath. “Can you do that for me?”

Woojin did it again and Felix wheezed in a long, strangled breath in time with him, but he let it out too fast and his entire body jolted with the force of it. Panic began to fly through him again.

“Hey hey, calm down,” Woojin soothed, “You’re almost there, okay? You’re doing really well, Felix. Let’s try it again now.”

Felix nodded from where his head was now rested in Changbin’s lap, Woojin still leant over him with his hands gently stroking his face. Changbin’s fingers were delicately carding their way through his hair and Felix closed his eyes and focused on that, trying to synchronise his breathing to the rhythm at which Changbin’s fingers slowly ran back and forth. His mind zeroed in on that and nothing else as Woojin’s angelic voice filtered into his eyes, replacing the terror with kindness and love.

“That’s it, Felix. That’s it. You’re doing so well, you’re being so strong. Keep going, that’s it. Well done.”

Felix allowed the voice to pull him out of his fear until his breathing became more regulated and his entire body slumped in exhaustion. His hands were still shaking but the twitches had stopped, and he only had to take in a couple more deep breaths before he could open his eyes. 

Woojin’s worried gaze appeared in front of him and blurred for a couple of seconds before focusing. The older male was staring at Felix intensely, but was hunched over in a way that suggested he was trying to make himself look smaller and Felix appreciated that, letting himself have a moment to lean into his soft touches. Woojin’s eyes formed beautifully into small crescents as he smiled at the action.

The pair turned their heads at the sound of footsteps approaching them, watching as Chan came over and dropped down next to Changbin, only just in Felix’s line-of-sight. In his hand he held a tall, half-full glass of water.

“Felix,” he said softly, “Can you try to drink some of this for me?”

Felix eyed the water suspiciously but otherwise nodded, now realising how horrible his throat felt after the sobs and sharp breaths caused by his panic. He tried to bring his hands up to take the glass but his body was refusing to move and his hands were probably still shaking too badly for him to be able to hold the glass anyway. 

Chan promptly got the message and scooted closer to him. With his legs practically touching the side of Felix’s face, he used one hand to cup the back of Felix’s head from where it was still on Changbin’s lap and brought the glass up to Felix’s lips with the other.

Felix drank greedily, almost choking when his brain reprimanded him for making Chan treat him like a baby because he was too weak to get his own damn water. Changbin noticed the look of upset flash through his eyes and shushed him lowly, fingers brushing through his hair once more.

“It’s okay, Felix,” he whispered, “Keep drinking. We don’t mind.”

The glass was almost empty by the time Felix pulled away and Woojin quickly used his sleeve to wipe away the excess drips that remained on his chin. Felix took the time to properly look around and spotted the rest if the group spread out in the hallway watching. To Felix’s right were Minho, Jisung, Hyunjin and Jeongin and to his left was Seungmin. Jeongin was tucked firmly under Hyunjin’s arm with slight fear playing on his features and Jisung looked shaky but was leaning against the wall with one of Minho’s hands rubbing his arm, the older seeming to be putting on a brave face. Seungmin was fiddling with his hands, seemingly itching to reach out and hold onto the shoulders of Chan who was seated on the floor a few feet in front of him.

A wave of guilt washed fresh over Felix when he realised he’d freaked everyone out with his actions, he wanted to apologise but his mouth was still too numb to form the words. His eyes fell to the floor and a laboured sigh escaped his throat. Woojin raised an eyebrow at the action and gently tugged on Felix’s chin, pulling the younger’s gaze back up to him. 

“Whatever you’re telling yourself right now,” he said, “Anything about how weak you are, how you’re a burden or a bad person for scaring us. It’s not true, alright?”

A tiny gasp left Felix’s mouth at Woojin being able to read him so well and the absolute conviction in his eyes persuaded Felix that what Woojin was saying was true. The older didn’t lie. Ever. And Felix could only stare at him in part-relief, part-shock, the entire situation scrambling itself around in his mind.

Woojin sensed this and hesitantly moved his hands down to Felix’s shoulders, knowing Felix was going to struggle to move but also that they were only allowing the situation to fester by staying huddled on the floor. Not to mention the backache Felix was going to get. 

“Do you think you can move now?” he asked, noting how Felix looked unsure but seemed to be trying to figure out the answer as his arms bent slightly and his legs twisted. His limbs were responding to him now but that didn’t mean they were in a fit state to support him yet.

“I can move,” he said quietly, voice sounding a little scratchy, “But…” he trailed off, no longer aware of how to ask for help.

“But you need us to help you,” Woojin finished, heart breaking when Felix reluctantly nodded, looking like he was fighting back tears he refused to let fall. “Felix, that’s okay,” he said soothingly, “We all need help sometimes and we’re happy to give it to you.”

Noises of agreement echoed in different parts of the room, every member wishing to help Felix, to teach him that he wasn’t weak for needing to lean on them at times. Felix almost jumped at how quickly everyone agreed, but he’d be lying if he said his chest didn’t fill with warmth when he listened to them. 

Woojin was the first to act, looping his hands behind Felix’s shoulders and pulling him into a sitting position up against his chest. Chan was quickly crouched next to them, locking his hands carefully around Felix’s left arm as Woojin shifted to grab his right.

“Okay, ready?” Chan asked, satisfied at receiving two nods, “1, 2, 3!” They both pulled up quickly and Felix scrambled to get his legs under him so as not to fall back down again the moment he was stood up. The others’ grips on him loosened slightly when his feet were firmly planted on the floor but neither of them let go completely, knowing Felix was still shaky and distressed and would need the help they were happy to give.

Seungmin walked forward and held out a hand to Changbin who was slowly trying to lift himself off the floor after his legs had gone numb from where Felix’s head had been resting on them. He accepted the hand gratefully and let Seungmin pull him up, neither of them letting go of each other’s hands even when Changbin was safely stood up. 

Still leaned up against the wall, Jisung smiled when he felt Minho’s arm slither around his waist and pull him into his side. Jisung leaned into the touch and smiled gratefully at Minho, not needing to say anything for Minho to understand he was being thanked. 

The group slowly shuffled their way into the living room, thoughts of Felix’s shower long-forgotten as Chan and Woojin carefully led him towards one of the sofas and lowered him down onto it. Jeongin settled himself next to Felix, one hand cautiously looping its way around his waist and head resting on his shoulder, the maknae’s fear requiring him to be near Felix to be reminded that he was safe after what had just happened. 

Chan sunk down on the other side of Felix and chose not to initiate too much contact, merely resting a hand on the younger’s thigh to let him know he was there but also not wanting to crowd him. Woojin settled on the floor in front of them and leaned back against Chan’s legs, not quite touching Felix but close enough that he’d be able to reach over to him if he needed to. The rest of the group spread themselves out around the room, choosing to either rest on the sofa or the floor but still relying on each other for comfort if the way they all held hands and pressed into each other was any indication. 

They let themselves be blanketed in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, relaxing as the adrenalin calmly left their bodies and allowed them to sink further into their tranquil positions. Felix had his eyes closed and was listening to the sound of Jeongin’s breathing right next to his ear, the maknae’s head still cushioned on the Australian’s shoulder. The repetition and comfort of the action helped to fully ground Felix and, to his relief, his erratic heartbeat was finally able to alleviate. Chan kept up a motion of slowly running his thumb up and down Felix’s thigh, feeling him gradually become more relaxed under his touch. He waited until Felix was completely calm before clearing his throat.

“Felix,” he said softly, “I think it’s time we all had a talk.”

The young boy immediately tensed up again, but Jeongin and Chan’s hand squeezed him comfortingly in response and he told himself to calm down. He knew he couldn’t deprive his members of an explanation after what had just happened and when he thought it, when he looked deep deep down inside of himself, Felix really wanted them to know. He wanted someone to understand, someone to help him take the pain away. He had just experienced what it was like to have them care of him and he wanted more. He wanted them to soothe him, to help him, to remind him of why he was still there, to reassure him that he was, and always would be, loved. 

So, he forced himself to take a deep breath and open his eyes. He could do this. He had to do this. 

“I don’t… I don’t really know how to explain this,” he started uncertainly, “I don’t really understand what’s going on in my head, but I guess it comes down to how I’ve recently been having these thoughts… bad thoughts.”

He stopped to let his mind slow down for a second, clasping his shaking hands together as thoughts about how foreign it felt to talk about this part of himself overwhelmed him. He had kept this hidden for so long, he didn’t know if he was capable of finally showing it. 

“It’s okay,” Woojin cut in gently, eyes shining as he watched his young friend struggle, “Take your time, Felix. None of us are going anywhere.”

Woojin’s soothing voice and the noises of agreement from the other members gave Felix the confidence and reassurance he needed to go on. So, he promptly wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans and opened his mouth once more.

“I’ve been watching you guys for so long and lately I can’t help but notice how talented you all are. Sometimes… actually quite a lot of the time as of late, I look at you and wonder how I could ever even think to compare to you, how I could ever think that I belong in a band alongside you. It’s painfully obvious how I’m not as good as any of you and I can’t help but think how much of a burden I am to you and how unfair it is that you have to deal with me dragging you down when you could go so much further if I wasn’t here.” Felix inhaled shakily and was shocked to realise he had been digging his nails into his palm, the pain and discomfort stopping him from losing himself to his mind completely. The room was offensively silent as he carried on. 

“I thought… I thought that maybe if I practiced more, maybe if I put more work in, I could get better. I could improve enough to finally be at your level. So, I started organising the extra practices, I started dancing more and sacrificing more time to go to the practice room. I don’t know when it started getting out of hand and practice became the only thing I could focus on, but I do remember how much it scared me. It scared me that coffee was becoming my only meal of the day, that sleeping wasn’t something I could give time to anymore, that health became a second priority to trying to improve. I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that what I was doing wasn’t okay; I’d need to be alive to keep going, but I couldn’t stop myself anymore. I’ve lost control now. I’ve completely lost control. I can’t control my thoughts, my mind, my body, my appetite, my emotions, everything. And I really, really don’t know what to do.”

There were tears on his face now, slowly dripping his cheeks, further fuelling the thick tension that was suffocating the room. Felix hardly dared to breathe as the silence stretched on, his mind screaming at him that he’d just ruined it all. He’d just shown them all what a freak he was after all. He’d just revealed to them all how truly, truly worthless he was.

They were going to hate him… forever.

His head lowered and his arms wrapped themselves around him as he refused to even look at eight of the people he loved most in the world, knowing he couldn’t bear to see the disappointment on their faces. 

His self-loathing thoughts were interrupted by cautious fingers slowly tangling themselves in his hair and then carefully smoothing over his face until they reached his chin. His gaze was gently tugged upwards and he found himself face-to-face with Chan, all kinds of emotions swirling in the leader’s eyes.

“Felix,” Chan’s voice was a mixture of sadness, concern, fear and guilt all rolled into one and the sound of it broke Felix’s heart, “What I’m about to say is very very important so I need you to listen to my every word, okay?”

Felix could only nod as the distress colouring Chan’s voice changed to conviction and the emotions in his eyes hardened into a fierce determination, the leader leaving no room for argument or objection, his resolve painted clear on his features.

“What you think about yourself is not true,” Chan said firmly, “The way you compare yourself to us isn’t true.”

Felix wanted to protest but Chan had already caught onto him and was cupping his face, staring him dead in the eye. Silently begging Felix to stay silent so he could go on. 

“Every single person in this room is talented, Felix,” Chan said, “Every. Single. Person.” There was a pause as Chan and Felix stared intensely at each other, the eye contact so strong there was nothing that could break it. A million words were condensed into one single stare, saying more than any conversation every could. Chan had so much conviction, so much intensity, concentrated into one single look and Felix was left breathless at the sight of it. Thousands of thoughts flew in the air between them, every single one readable to them despite not a word being exchanged. Felix was struggling, Felix hated himself, Felix couldn’t handle it anymore and Chan was reassuring him that it was all okay, that he was there, that he was going to make it all better. A tear dripped down Felix’s face and Chan pulled him into his arms, burying his nose in his friend’s hair and rocking him slowly back and forth, speaking loud enough for the whole room to hear.

“I don’t know what’s brought this all on, Felix, and I’m going to be brutally honest when I say that I don’t understand a lot of it. But that doesn’t mean I’m not here for you. You’re not alone in this, Felix. You aren’t now, and you never will be, we’re all here and we’re not going away anytime soon. Please don’t think you don’t deserve us, Felix. Please don’t ever think that.” His voice cracked slightly, and he found himself overwhelmed by his own thoughts, thoughts about how he’d let this go on so long, how he’d failed to notice the true extent of his friend’s pain. Tears fell onto Felix’s shoulder as Chan fought to hold back his sobs. 

Jeongin pressed himself into Felix’s back and wrapped his arms around both him and Chan, not even trying to hide how much he was crying, the words he wanted to scream about Felix being wrong dying on his tongue. He knew there wasn’t enough vocabulary in the universe to convey how much love he had for the young Australian and how much he hated the way he felt about himself. So instead of trying, he just pulled him into a loving embrace and held him, hoping that the soft touches would be enough. 

“I love you, Felix,” he whispered, and he felt as Felix let out a sob in his arms, “You don’t need to put yourself down. You’re perfect just the way you are, we wouldn’t have you any other way.” He felt Chan nod in agreement from somewhere within the hug and suddenly there was another pair of arms surrounding them, and another, and another, and then Jeongin lost count, but he didn’t think it would be irrational for him to conclude that this was an ot9 hug. 

He lost track of how long they remained there snuggled into each other, but it was definitely long enough for various limbs to fall asleep and a few aches to start from the awkward positioning. No one seemed to mind though and it was only when Felix drew in a long, audible breath and tried to run a hand threw his hair that everyone pulled away. 

“I know this isn’t all going to be fixed now, Felix,” Seungmin said quietly, staring at his friend, “But I hope you know now that everything you’re telling yourself isn’t true.”

“And that whenever you do feel like this, it’s okay to come to us,” Jisung added and Felix nodded, wiping at his eyes as he sniffled slightly. 

“Thank you, guys,” he whispered, “Thank you so much.” 

“Don’t thank us,” Hyunjin said, “Just come to us, let us take care of you.”

“We know you’d do the same for us,” Minho continued, “So it’s okay to let us return the favour, even if you don’t feel comfortable doing so at first, we don’t mind teaching you that it’s okay to ask for help.”

The words sent a bud of warmth blooming through Felix’s chest and he buried his face in his hands with a soft giggle, trying to hide the blush coating his cheeks at finally allowing himself to listen to and accept the kindness he was being offered. The action sent happiness reeling throughout the room and fond smiles graced the faces of all nine boys.

“I love you guys,” Felix mumbled into his hands, Chan was the only one close enough to hear but he didn’t hide the way he threw his arms around Felix and loudly proclaimed that he loved him back. 

“We love you too,” he said with a toothy grin, “This is only the start, Felix. We’re going to keep loving you until you realise you deserve it and then we’ll only love you even more.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, hope you're not too upset now and that my writing wasn't too awful. I have a few other fics published if you want to check them out xx
> 
>  Any comments and kudos are appreciated.
> 
>  Also do you think I make my characters too ooc? Because I got a comment about it on my last fic and I guess it's kinda been worrying me. I'd love to hear your opinion.
> 
>  My Twitter: @hotelfelixxie - I follow back and sometimes I post little mini drabbles that are too unedited or short for Ao3 if you'd like to check them out (they're in my threads) xx
> 
>  Have a blessed day! <3


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